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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25849342">I Can Attest To The Medicinal Benefits of Alcohol</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/upset_and_confused/pseuds/upset_and_confused'>upset_and_confused</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Drinking, Gen, Hangover, Starfleet Academy, There Are Two Beds But Jim Said Fuck That, and they were ROOMMATES, college party, keg stand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:40:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,138</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25849342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/upset_and_confused/pseuds/upset_and_confused</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time Leonard McCoy may have been a keg-stand king but he has absolutely, definitely, for sure, put those days behind him... Until two big blue eyes and a mess of blonde hair named James Kirk decides it's high time he reclaim that title.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Can Attest To The Medicinal Benefits of Alcohol</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Holy shit I wrote a Star Trek fanfiction here in 2020. <br/>The pandemic is affecting all of us differently. <br/>Come find me at magicalweirdism on tumblr, I wanna talk about Bones.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>How the hell Leonard had gotten talked into this he had no goddamn idea. <b><br/></b></p>
<p>“Bones! Bones! Bones! Bones!” an extremely drunk, shirtless, blonde jackass screamed.   </p>
<p>Oh yeah. That was how. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on, Bones!” Jim Kirk was tagging along at his heels like a puppy, his blue eyes glittering with excitement. “Come on, let’s go to the party tonight.” </p>
<p>Bones sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Listen, kid,” He groused, “If you wanna go and get drunk and get a nice shiny hangover for your exam tomorrow, be my guest, but for chrissake leave me out of it.” He knew what he was going to see when he opened his eyes and, yeah, as he cracked open his right eye there they were, those god damn baby blue eyes about an inch away from his face.</p>
<p>“You’re going to be a horrible captain.” Bones grumbled as Jim clapped his shoulder and laughed. </p>
<p>“Or the best one!” He called over his shoulder as he hightailed it to class leaving Bones to try and figure out if he could make time to study before he got dragged into a night of debauchery. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Yeah,</em> Bones thought. He took a breath, gripped the top of the keg and, with the skill of a man who had done this many, many, times in the past, popped himself into a perfect handstand. Behind him Jim let out a wild scream of victory as a younger student shoved the beer hose into Bones mouth and he started chugging. About three swallows in and Bones could remember why he hadn’t done this in probably a decade, blood was rushing to his head, his mouth was full of CO2 foam, and beer was gross. He wobbled, his arms not quite as strong as they used to be and before he could think better of the situation a pair of arms was grabbing his legs and Jim’s voice, from somewhere around his ankle, yelled “FINEST FUCKING DOCTOR IN THE GOD DAMN FLEET.”</p>
<p>The party erupted in cheering screams and, oh, what the hell? Bones kept going, the crowd absolutely losing it, his head swimming in a fantastically horrible mix of beer and adrenaline and serotonin. Above him Jim continued yelling but the good doctor was far past hearing at this point. When he finally felt the keg empty and all but fell off the thing, landing on his back and roaring like a Klingon, he wasn’t entirely sure he could have told you his own name. Two blue eyes and two strong hands filled his vision and he was hauled to his feet, the two men lost in an earth shattering high as they grabbed each other, still yelling, and the party continued in a blur around them. </p>
<p>“THAT’S MY FUCKING CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER, MOTHER FUCKERS!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morning came in the form of the worst headache Bones could remember ever having… and then it came in the form of the most frantic rush to the bathroom and being the most sick he had been in probably a decade. </p>
<p>He rested his cheek on the toilet seat, panting, his head ringing, every single muscle in his body staunchly refusing to cooperate enough to get him off the floor and to the sink. But dammit he was a Starfleet officer. </p>
<p>“Fuck.” He groaned softly, reaching to cover his ears to try and block out the sound of himself talking. He staggered to his feet and with great effort made his way to the sink, gripping the sides of it and breathing slowly as he got his equilibrium back. He was going to fucking kill James T. Kirk. </p>
<p>He splashed water in his face then drank from his hands before even chancing a peek in the mirror at himself. </p>
<p>The man staring back at him had skin as pale as a Vulcan and bags under his eyes so deep he didn’t know if they would be allowed on a star ship. </p>
<p>Yeah. He was gonna kill that goddamn corn fed hick. </p>
<p>He took one final breath before standing up and making carefully calculated steps back to his bed where, with all the grace of a sack of potatoes, he collapsed onto the mattress. </p>
<p>Only to be startled nearly back to his feet by a moan and a body wriggling away from him. </p>
<p>Fuck. </p>
<p>Oh fuck. </p>
<p>No, there was no way Bones took someone back to bed when he was that drunk. No way at all. </p>
<p>“Bones.” The voice from under the blankets mumbled, “Bones can you get me something to throw up in?” </p>
<p>The relieved laugh Bones let out had both men moaning and before the second voice could get too comfortable Bones grabbed the blankets and yanked them off a very sweaty and still jean clad James Kirk. </p>
<p>Well. </p>
<p>The jeans were kicked around his ankles and one shoe was still on which brought back a blurry memory of Bones saying “No shoes in bed, what were you? Raised in a barn?” and Jim laughing too hard before falling into bed and falling asleep instantly. </p>
<p>“Get yer ass outta my bed, you dumb hick.” The accent dripping off his words was thick enough you could put it on pancakes. </p>
<p>Jim whined and reached out to swat Bones away. </p>
<p>“Go on,” Bones fell into bed and gave Jim a shove, watching the blonde all but pool out of the bed and onto the floor, his legs still splayed out on the mattress, “Git.” </p>
<p>Hitting the floor was all the wake up Jim’s body needed for him to scramble to his feet and, from the sounds of it, also be violently sick in the bathroom. By the time he made his way back into the bedroom Bones was swallowing a hangover pill dry and laying back in bed, closing his eyes, and waiting for the effects to kick in. Jim stumbled over to Bones’ nightstand and started pawing at the drawer before Bones reached up to smack at him and held up a pill. </p>
<p>“You do care.” Jim took the pill. </p>
<p>“I hate you.” Bones muttered as Jim took about three steps and fell into bed with his friend again, ignoring the grumbles from Bones as he wedged his way under the other man’s arm and flopped onto his chest. </p>
<p>“You’re a menace.” the doctor grumbled, adjusting his arm to let Jim get more comfortable on his chest and taking a long breath. The painkillers were already starting to do their job. </p>
<p>“You looked really cool doing that handstand.” Jim slurred into Bones’ pectoral, “Can’t wait to have a cool drunk doctor on my ship.” </p>
<p>Bones rolled his eyes and then grunted in pain reaching up from Jim’s hair to rub his face before his hand dropped back down to squeeze his friend’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be the worst fucking starship captain.” </p>
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